Sunday, March 15, 2015

5 months!

Lincoln turned 5 months old on Friday.

This month has been the funnest one yet!

Lincoln is so interactive and smiley (still screamey but not quite as bad) and is figuring out so many things! The more he can do and see and play with and eat, the happier he is.

One big thing this month brought was FOOD.

This boy loves his food. He never spits anything back out and he is so good at eating. I'm seriously loving it.

Right now his favorites are any fruit, peas and carrots, and all the random other stuff we've let him try that I count as "big people food". (Barbecue sauce was a hit.)

But, carrots are this boy's love language, I tell you what. We're talking flapping arms and everything.

He likes green beans and avocados the least, but he still eats them.

He gets so mad at us when we don't share our food with him, and he throws his body at any food he sees, so I hope (crossing my fingers) we have a good eater on our hands.

He's so wiggly so the pictures are mostly blurry lol. Sorry.

He's become extremely curious and studious... what I mean by that is that he studies toys, people, new things (computer keyboards, etc)... he just seems so deep in thought so often.

He has discovered his hands on a whole new level-- he will just sit and stare at his fingers for minutes at a time as he moves them in new ways and tries to grasp on to tiny things. The other day he laid there and showed me and Bryan his fingers for like 3 minutes. It was hilarious.

He's about 16 1/2 pounds and 27 inches long. He's a tall boy! He's in 6-9 month clothes in general, but for anything like footie pajamas he's barely fitting in the 9 month ones and fitting nicely in the 12 month ones. Crazy kiddie.

In the middle of a sneeze

Things Lincoln loves:

-Sitting up. He can sit up propped against us to play forever. He can sit up on his own for like 10 seconds or so on the floor (basically until he sees a toy and nose dives to get it). If he's on our laps he can basically sit up indefinitely also, even without any support.

-Trying to escape anything he's strapped in to.

-Sitting himself up out of these things (strollers, carseats, etc) the second he's unstrapped.


-Being outside on overcast days

-His little square "security blanket" that has a stuffed football attached to it.

-Fabric against his face

-Any movement that is like a roller coaster (seriously-- he loves to play rough).

-Laughing and grinning (open-mouthed grins; cheesy, closed-mouth grins; all of the above)

-Talking-- he's trying SO many new sounds these days. His favorite is to yell "maaaa maaa maaa maaa" when he wakes up. He's also doing a lot of raspberry type sounds with his lips and sounds like "bgmbgmbgm". Pretty funny.

-Blowing bubbles

-Being busy


-When daddy comes home

-Chewing on EVERYTHING, including and especially his fingers

-Music, singing, all of the above

-Anything with a screen. Oh man.

-Looking around, especially in new places (stores, outside, etc)


-The sound and sight of running water

-Having all the attention

-Giving hugs (a hug is grinning, putting his arms around my neck, and grabbing on tight to all those little hairs at the base of your skull as he squeezes. Good luck getting his fingers out afterward ha ha.)

-Holy moly the drool.

-The measuring spoons

-Staring at people's faces

-Swinging (he had so much fun at grandma's house swinging on her swing!)

-Playing with grandmas and grandpas

-Reading, turning pages on books, books with LOTS of words...

Things he doesn't love so much: 

-Being on his belly... therefore rolling from belly to back doesn't happen very often.

-The fact that he can't quite roll over from back to belly. It frustrates him SO BAD when he gets stuck halfway and can't get the toy he's trying to reach.

-The sun in his eyes. Oh man it's the end of the world some days.

-Going down for naps-- the story of our lives.

-Snuggling (when it's not bedtime)

-Independent play time (he's getting a bit better though-- today I hung his bouncer in the bathroom doorway and I got to shower! wowee!)

-When he knows food is coming and when he thinks it isn't coming fast enough

-Green beans

You look away for one second... 

I promise-- we feed him. 

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Some pictures

I'm still awake listening to the KSL post game show after the men's BYU basketball win over Portland in the tournament. I wouldn't feel so compelled to watch it except for Collinsworth got his 6th triple-double tonight tying Shaq and one other person (can't remember) for a career high. Pretty amazing. Anyway, so I'm up.

So I thought I might post a few pictures of Lincoln. Silly kid. ;) We like him.

This kid LOVES his baths. He lounges, splashes, plays with his rubber ducky, grins, and stretches out (to keep his mom and dad on their toes to keep him from hitting his head or flopping over lol).

Those wrist rolls and arm rolls KILL ME.

He's always chewing on something. Usually it's his fingers.

Post bath. He always gets this face when he sees the camera. He stops doing all his faces and stares at the lens. We're lucky he's not lunging forward trying to grab it in this one ha ha. 

He loves that little blanket-- this particular time he was sleeping (in the swing to prop him up because he was sick) I had to keep pulling it off his face. Funny kid.

That face.

He's about one second away from sitting up on his own for real. He's super stable on our laps and stuff but when we put him on the floor the toys distract him and he face plants. :)

Friday, February 20, 2015

Feeding Lincoln

I've read a lot of blog posts and heard a lot of people talk about when they stopped nursing their baby.

Some said it was unexpected-- that one day their little 1 year old just didn't want to nurse anymore, and that was that. They had to deal with the emotions of the unexpected ending of something they loved.

Some had to do it even though their baby didn't want to stop, which brought on an entirely different set of emotions.

Well, it was a bit different for us.

It never worked in the first place.

At the kitchen table in our pajamas this morning, feeding Lincoln a bottle after he had his first bowl of baby oatmeal. 

When I was about 6 weeks pregnant, I remember being blindsided by how debilitating my intense nausea was. The only reason I didn't end up in the hospital from dehydration was that my body decided instead of actually vomiting, 95% of the day would just be spent dry heaving. I guess all the time dry heaving gave my body time to absorb any liquid I managed to get in me before I could throw it up.

Between that and the migraines, days were years long.

It didn't end when people said it would. I actually remember very little about those long months... not because Lincoln's so cute it's washed it all away, but because I wasn't usually awake. Sleeping made it a bit more manageable.

When it lessened, on came the sciatica. To this day, nothing has been nearly as bad as the nausea was, but the sciatica still wasn't fun. It made functioning pretty tricky sometimes.


So, since apparently I was not good at being pregnant, I made up my mind that I would be a rockstar at labor and delivery, and then I would become pro at breastfeeding this little baby.

We took a really awesome Bradley class, and I read everything I could about breastfeeding, went to La Leche League meetings, and was totally going to ace this next part.


The delivery did not go as planned. It's really a story for another day, but long story short, things unnecessarily took a turn for the "we need to get this baby out asap" route. While I was a good enough pusher (yay for the bradley class!) to avoid an emergency c-section, the doctor used forceps which left me with more than a 4th degree tear...


They say that in the beginning, the baby doesn't really need much food at all. They say that the colostrum you make in milliliter amounts will suffice.

What they don't say, is that when your body in in such shock and has to devote everything to healing itself, the colostrum might not cooperate.


We had no idea because all the lactation ladies at the hospital just assumed that if we tried hard enough things would be great.

But Lincoln was inconsolable.

I borrowed their industrial pump. I pumped and pumped and pumped.

I had nothing. Sometimes it didn't even wet the bottle at all.

"But if he sucks enough, it'll work!" they said. "Supply and demand!" they said.


Every time he got hungry it was a 2 hour screaming session. He was good at latching, but he wouldn't do it. We didn't know there wasn't any food.

One kind nurse asked us if we wanted to give him a tiny bit of formula so he would stop screaming and sleep. We did.


Fast forward to our week at home following his birth.

We tried to make it work. We tried so hard. People just told us that it would work, and we had no idea that it wasn't.

When Lincoln was 4 days old he wasn't peeing much, and his pee had crystals. We took him to the doctor. He wasn't doing well and his heart rate was slow.

We turned to formula and fed him every 2 hours. The next day I had to take him to get an EKG.

He was just so dehydrated... poor guy.

Starting then, our goal became, "use formula until we can get my milk to come in."


I tried everything you can imagine to have enough milk-- I pumped and/or nursed for 18 hours of the day. I took herbal supplements. I drank more water than you can believe. I tried every nursing position there is. I tried using a supplemental nursing system at every feeding.

And yet, even months later, I could pump for hours and never get more than one ounce. Total.

But I still kept trying. It consumed my days and nights.


I had to mourn my unrealized expectations of how things would be.

I was going to be good at this, dangit.

I was going to give my baby the antibodies and everything that he needed to get through this crazy flu/measles/whatever season.

I knew what was best for my baby and I was going to make it work.

Until I couldn't.


One of our dear friends makes more than enough milk for her baby who was born a few weeks after Lincoln, and she has been amazingly generous and gives us some milk each day to help Lincoln have the benefits of breast milk.

We've been grateful and humbled by their generosity.


We transitioned to just offering him the breast before every bottle.

It worked okay for a while. But as he got hungrier and hungrier, his patience decreased. (And let's be honest, he's not the most patient baby anyway. :D)

We stopped even using the left side- it didn't make anything at all anyway.

He would nurse for like 10 minute before he'd take a bottle.

And then it changed to 5.

And then it changed so he nursed long enough to calm himself down until he realized he wasn't getting any food and he pulled off and screamed.

And then he stopped nursing at all.


I hadn't planned on stopping. I was going to keep offering it at least until spring time came and sicknesses weren't as bad.

But then one day I realized that he hadn't nursed for a few days.

And then a few weeks later I realized that we were done. We'd been done for a while.


And I've never felt more relieved for something I wanted so bad, to be over.


You have no idea how excited I am to be able to feed Lincoln real food now. I'm excited to let him taste all the delicious and healthy things he can eat that must taste so much better than formula :)

Making "real" food? Now that's something I'm good at. :)